I learned that ARMAGEDDON was screening last night in Los Angeles. How'd I find out? Well Joe Hallenbeck let me know, along with a whole bunch of other L.A. geeks that had tickets. I figured I'd give my fave person over at Michael Bay's company a ring, and see how complete the print was. Turns out it's just missing two sequences, and will be finished in about a week. Now the last screening we got a great review and a not-so-great review. And I felt that the not-so-great review guy was shooting a few blanks. So I asked if Jerry Bruckheimer really thought Deep Impact was a load of crap (I know I didn't). And it turns out that Jerry hasn't even seen the film, so he has no opinion on the film. And I was told he wasn't talking crap about it at Cannes. That's generally considered bad form. Well to give them an extra bit of concern I told them. "JOE HALLENBECK WILL BE THERE TONIGHT" I felt a quiver of a hesitant lip. A feeling of dread. For noone's nose is higher in tune with celluloid shit than the mighty Joe's. Then in a confident tone the strong voice came back, "How could he not love it!"
I sat in my hotel room for a long time, my stomach in knots, dying to hear how this film was going to turn out according to Joe. So I decided 'ah fuck it' and went up to the Banff Upper Hot Springs and relaxed in 40 degrees Celsius on the top of the mountain. Ahhh it felt so good. Then I ate a delicious Swiss meal, and went to bed. The review will be there in the morning. It was...
Well, here's the Mighty Joe Hallenbeck, followed by a few other reviews, so here is how good ARMAGEDDON is...
Today was a good day in the state of Hallenbeck. First, I saw a rather charming little movie called Can't Hardly Wait. I loved the script when I read it a year ago(back then, it was called the Party. Name changed because Sellers/Edward's made a movie by the same name many eons ago). This movie is to the 90's what Breakfast Club was to the 80's and American Grafitti was to the 70's(or, is that the 60's?). Now, I'm not saying it's as good as those two...it's not even close. What I am saying is that CHW is the perennial coming-of-age, teen, ensemble flick of the 90's. The quality of this movie reflects the quality of the movies of the 90's, like Breakfast does for the 80's and Grafitti for the 70's(as you can tell, the further you go back, the better the movie's get). CHW is a cute little movie. Nothing mind blowing, but highly enjoyable. It's a great modern day teen flick in the same vein as an 80's Hughes teen flick. If you hated those, then you'll hate this.
Anyways, the other reason why this was such a great day for the Mighty One is this: I saw the movie "We've" all been waiting for. For the past 7 Summers, we have endured countless hours of crap, mixed with the occasional good flick. Let me analyse the biggies of Summer's Past:
1997 - MIB is a good, but overrated movie. It lacks a complete plot. A huge chunk of the movie was missing. It just felt incomplete.
1996 - Twister was crap and ID4 was cool when I first saw it, but has since become unbearable to watch. The crowd's opening night reaction made the movie fun to watch...the movie wasn't fun itself. The Rock was the great one that summer.
1995 - DEATH TO SCHUMACHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1994 - Gump, Lion "Fuc"-king, Speed and True Lies. The first and the latter 2 were really damn good, if not great. Gump is in a class by itself and doesn't fit the whole "Summer Blockbuster" thing. Speed and Lies are great, but they have their problems.
1993 - JP is a classic, but that Fucking ending bit the big one. Fugitive was great, but suffered the same fate of the dinos when it comes to the end.
1992 - I loved Batman Returns, but it ain't no summer blokbuster.
1991 - The last truly great Summer Blockbuster movie came out this year. It's an all around perfect "Blockbuster" movie masterfully crafted by the "Master" himself. The movie I'm referring to is Hudson Hawk...just kidding. The movie is T2...a perfect blend of action, f/x, story, emotions, and all around coolness.
For 7 goddamn years I have been waiting for the Ultimate Summer Blockbuster to come out and completely blow me the fuck away! I'm proud to announce we have a winner and it's name is...ARMAGEDDON!!! Movies like Armageddon are the reason why I don't have to do drugs. One look at a flick like this puts me on such a high that it literally lasts days...if not weeks! There's no fuckin' drug in the world that could make me feel this great...NONE(and believe you-me...I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!). I can't describe this emotion that I'm feeling. Take the greatest sex you've ever had, multiply it by a 1000, and throw in the most amazing Hot Fudge Sundae you've ever eaten and maybe then, you'll get a taste of what I'm feeling right now. After watching the movie, I felt like taking a nice long drag on a Cancer Stick...it was just that Incredible! This is a man's movie, so I don't want to hear any of you pussy-boy pansy-asses complaining about it. If you are a 100% Balls-to-the-Wall Male between the ages 4 and 104 you'll cream in your pants while watching the movie...I know I did. I'm still cleaning off the now crusted substance. Now, this is not to say women won't dig the movie either. It's a fun romp with a romance at it's core.
Sit back, grab a brewski in one hand and your pecker in the other because Good 'Ole Mighty Joe Hallenbeck is about to take you on a Raving Rant you soon won't forget...
The Plot - Big Rock comes toward Earth. Things get destoyed. Oil Drilling Heroes must stop it before it wipes out mankind. That's in lamens terms. In Manly terms, it goes like this: BAD ASS MOTHER FUCKERS ATTEMPT TO KICK AN ASTEROIDS ASS BEFORE IT WIPES OUT OUR HOOD!!! It sounds simple, but it's not. This multi-layered plot is one helluva ride. Each character has their own thing to overcome...I love that in a movie! Mr. Bruckheimer said it the best when he described the movie as , "The Dirty Dozen in Space." It's the kind of movie where everyone has their favorite character. It's not just a star vehicle for Bruce. Everyone gets in on the action.
The Directing - He impressed me with Bad Boys. He blew me away with The Rock(I Love that film!). Now, Michael Bay has truly amazed me with this winner. His camera movements are no longer as headache inducing and his editing is not as hectic. When the film goes into hyperdrive(which is a large portion of it) the camera work and editing is perfect. Often times, it's masterful. The intesity and sure raw emotion in this movie really got to me. I actually found my bottom lip trembling and tears coming out of my eyes. It may be corny as hell, but I loved it. It's just perfectly cornball...not too much, not too little. Oh, and I also fell hook, line and sinker for the flag waving going on. As these emotions started to get the best of me, I thought to myself, "It's okay to cry. The Duke would be crying if he was watching this! If it's alright with the Duke, then it sure as hell alright for the Mighty One!" After that logic came about, I let the tears flow like Niagra. They weren't no pussy-boy tears either, they were man tears! There the same kind of tears a man would shed while watching The Dirty Dozen or Die Hard. If your Father cries, then it's okay for you to cry, damnit! That's my motto!
After the movie, I had a fairly lengthy conversation with Bay. I introduced myself and right away the man knew who I was(I didn't know I was that infamous). I felt like hugging the man...THAT'S how emotional I was feeling at the time. Finally a Summer Blockbuster worthy of that title!!! Any way, we talked at great length about the movie, the audience reaction to this screening(which was half full of dumb-ass, bused-in Press People...my words here, people...NOT HIS!!!) and the other screening that took place a week or two ago. He seems very pleased by the response the movie's been getting. I already knew the movie was still not complete(some of the Shang-hi stuff and Grand Central Station f/x aren't done), but he decided to share that info with me anyways. He was slightly embarrassed by my kind words, but unlike most people in this town, they were truthful. I don't kiss ass. If I like something, I'll tell the person(like I did last night and with Cameron back in August)...if I hate it, they'll here about it. I once told a Producer that his movie sucked more than Chaisey Lain. Of course, he rendered me unconconscious with a golf club, but that's a whole other story. So, when I tell a filmmaker about how I felt about his/her movie, it's always honest and sincere. Thank you, Mr. Bay for entertaining the hell out of me! BTW, I'd love a Press Packet.
I don't mean to sound this way, but maybe Bay should give up directing action movies for now. There's no way in hell he'll be able to top this puppy. It's simply the BEST! Maybe he should do an intimate character piece or a light hearted Capra-esque comedy. Something different, then go back to direct the kick ass action flicks the dearly-departed McTiernan used to direct. It's just a suggestion.
The writing - Scott Rosenberg and crew(there probably was a few other dudes working on this) did a fabu job of creating cool, likable characters and placing them in an awesome situation. I love movies were the "Ordinary Joe" gets to the save the world. They packed everything into this movie that a writer can possibly pack into one. After the movie, I felt full...as if I had just ate a great, 3 course dinner. That's always a sign of a good, if not great, movie when you come out of the theater and you feel full...as if nothing was missing. They through in everything...INCLUDING THE KITCHEN SINK. The first 10 minutes of this movie makes up for all the shit we have had to endure for the past 3 summers. Kudos to Scott for designing one hell of a ride and Michael and Jerry for making it! By the by, love the "Big Green Lizard" gag and the Dr. Strangelove joke.
The acting:
Bruce "My Man" Willis - aka Harry Stemper. It's Bruce playing Bruce. He's more of a McClaine than a Hallenbeck here. That's okay, though. He's just plain great as hero, boss, and Dad. If the world was going to end, I'd want this guy saving my ass.
Ben Affleck - aka Ace. Funny and pretty cool at times. He matches up with Bruce very well.
Will Patton - Always a treat(even in shit like Postman). Chicky(I think) is a real cool foreman. A great #2.
Steve Buscemi - aka Rockhound. This guy is just uber-fuckin-cool!
Bear - Bound to be a fav of many. This dude is way cool. When he's riding that Harley, I couldn't help but fall in love with him.
Billy Bob - a treat. Not much to do here, but he's mighty cool when on.
Liv Tyler - besides being the honey of all honey's, she makes a cool heroine when she's needed.
The rest - everyone else in the cast, ranging from that dude from Bottle Rocket(Owen Wilson) to Kieth David do a great job with their characters. All of them manage to give their characters an individual voice.
The music - first off, I loved the songs. I'm not usually a song man when it comes to movies, but they worked very well here. Second, Trevor Rabin's score(what was done of it. The Rock, Last of the Mohicans, and Backdraft filled the gaps that weren't done) fuckin' rocked! It's classic Zimmer(and to those who hate Zimmer -- FSM -- cover your ears when the score is a'blastin' away). Rabin has learned from a master and has now proven himself an apt pupil. His themes(some of which are in the trailers) are just plain cool. I found myself whistling them as I walked out of the theater. Mr. Bay informed me there will be a release of a score album in the near future(the soundtrack that comes out in a week or so will have the pop songs and 1 cut of Rabin's core). I hope and pray this is true.
The Climax - Everything a self-respecting movie geek would want and more! It's just plain perfect. Nail biting, over the top, cliched, emotional, and down right cool!!! Yippie-ki-yay, mother fucker!!!
The thing that was truly great about Armageddon is that it was the first movie in ages that truly had a "Global Feel" to it. Finally a film that addresses other countries besides the US. They got the point that it's the "End of the World"...NOT THE END OF AMERICA!!! All you need are a couple of shots around the globe to accomplish that feat and that's what they did!
Jerry and Michael should consider themselves "Kings of the World" after this opens, for this movie is bound to make a shit load of moola. My only complaint concerning the movie is where it's going to be showing in the LA area. Because it's Disney, it'll be showing in shit theaters in Westwood and Hollywood. I have a suggestion to make:
Please, Mr. Eisner -- for the Love of the Movie Gods above -- buy and/or rent the Chinese or the Village for about 2 months and put this movie on one of those screens. Reach into the cushions of you couch and pull out a few mil to cover the cost of this gesture. You owe it to the fans to have this movie play on the greatest screens possible. In LA, those are the two best. Put it on one of them. Make us happy.
I'm starting to come down a bit. It's been a few hours and my high is slightly wearing off. I don't know if I can wait until July 1 to see the movie again. I'm like a junkie in this respect...I need my fix! X-Files may tie me over, but I need more Armageddon. Watching the trailer 1000 times might not do it. Man, if I don't see this movie again soon I may go postal on someone(s). Maybe I'll go over to Warner Bros if this feeling gets any worse. Better yet, over to Sony to beat the shit out of the execs that were invloved with the lizard. Yeah, that's it. I'm feeling better already. Hell, I'm going over there right now to bash some sense into those sons a'bitches. Where's my bat?!!!
T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
hallenbeck69@hotmail.com
SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER
P.S. One quick qustion about the ending:
Hate to nitpick, but what happened to Bear and Vlad at the end? I didn't see them celebrating on the Tarmac, nor did I see them at the Wedding. Maybe an insert shot is needed(if it's at all possible).
Ok I'm jizzed. I'm friggin there. My next adventure has to do with ARMAGEDDON. You see they are premiering at Cape Canaveral. And Glen and I do get to go. The most exciting part of it for me though isn't flying to Florida, it's that I get to reduce the countdown on my damn Countdown to Armageddon clock. That thing has been driving me crazy ever since I first took it out of the box and it said 275 days 14 hours 34 minutes 13 seconds.
I have received many mini bits from people that basically say, "Harry, you're gonna love this one!!!!!" Folks, thanks for the thoughts. Now for some more reviews... This first one from the Student Handbook is loaded with spoilers, so if you don't want to know, just know that he absolutely loved the film with every fibre of his being.
Harry, Harry, oh so very... How the hell are you friend? The reclusive Student Handbook is here with a review for a small independent film that just may rule the summer. The film? Arma 'fuckin' geddon. I was in the presense of greatness tonight, as I saw the movie with, among others, uber producer Jerry Bruckheimer, and director du jour Michael Bay. The theater was littered with suits and celebreties, as this was, in Bruckheimer's own words, "The first Hollywood screening of Armageddon." Although not quite the final cut, the movie still blew the audience, as well as me, away. After two hugely disappointing summer event movies, Deep "Mimi! Please go back to TV!" Impact, and the "Well, let's just see how bad of a movie we can make with a 120 million dollars" Godzilla, Hollywood appears to have a winner here. Running a little over two and a half hours long, the film riveted the audience from start to finish.
Opening in space 65 million years ago, we draw closer to earth, with a voice over of Charleton Heston telling us of the circumstances leading to the extiniction of the dinosaurs. We see the asteroids hit earth, and as we pull out, ARMAGEDDON fills the screen. Simple, but very effective. We than move to today, as we see a meteor shower terrorize a space shuttle, and even more specatularly, New York City. Not only is NYC destroyed by a T-Rex, err, I mean, Godzilla, this summer, asteroids set their sights on the city too. Also, what is it about the Chrysler Building that makes it such a tempting target? Silly Hollywood boys. There is also a hilarious scene that takes a swipe at The Lost World, err, Godzilla. Anyways, the boys at NASA then discover an asteroid the size of Texas, and decide to send a group of oil drillers to blow the big fucker up. The U.S. governement calls on Bruce Willis' Harry Stamper and him and his Roughnecks are given the unevible task of saving the world. Yada, yada, yada, they do their thing, destroying various places here and there, and eventually become heroes. Some die, some live, but the planet is saved. I didn't mean to ruin the end, but you didn't actually think the world was going to end did you?
As formulamatic as Armageddon was, Michael Bay succeeds in making an exciting, entertaining, "I'll see it again" film. The sound in this film is incredible, and like all Bay films, is visually stunning. The performances are all good, with Billy Bob Thorton and the huge Michael Duncan standing out the most. The special effects sequences are stellar throughout the film, and not found in the last three minutes of the other "space object threatening the world" movie.
As far as I'm concerned, Armageddon takes a big shit on the aforementioned movies. It grabs the two movies by their necks and asks, "Who's your daddy?" Along with Saving Private Ryan, Armageddon will be a beast at the box office. If Bad Boys and The Rock hadn't solidified Michael Bay in Hollywood, this will. Chalk up another blockbuster for Jerry Bruckheimer. With the success of this movie, he may actually become richer than God. Will these two ever fail?
Now this fella here actually seems a bit upset that the "flying into the asteroid belt area" was more in tune with EMPIRE STRIKES BACK than APOLLO 13 or DEEP IMPACT. No folks, I don't know about you, but if the sequence can even come close to harmonizing with that sequence in EMPIRE, you'll see geek heads exploding all over the place. He likes a lot of the film, but has issues with other parts. There are TONS OF SPOILERS so read if ya want, or not.
Just came back from the first public preview of "Armageddon," a few hours ago and here are my observations and thoughts.
WARNING - SPOILERS AHEAD
Before the film, Jerry Bruckheimer (producer) and Michael Bey (director) addressed the crowd (as is usual with such showings) and among other things they said that two major effects shots still were yet to be added to the film confirming some other recent reports. Other than that and some minor rough edits, the film is very complete. The effects shot of a meteor hitting Shanghai harbor is in the edit I saw (this was reported as one of the scenes being worked on) though I suspect there may been more to this sequence then what I saw, it seemed a bit abbreviated. Among the destruction we do get to see are, of course, the meteors hitting Manhattan and one very big meteor hitting Paris - for my money this was the single best effects shot in the film.
While VERY similar in concept to Deep Impact (even down to the solution to blow up the offending rock/snowball from space - drilling holes and dropping nukes inside) the tone of Armageddon is completely different. This is pure popcorn from beginning to end whereas DI tried (and I say failed) to be something more resonant. Armageddon is genuinely a very funny movie at times, especially in early going during the "recruitment and training" phase of the film. This is where NASA hires and trains Bruce Willis and his team of oil core drillers for the space mission.
The film only really begins to suffer when the teams first gets into space and dock with the MIR space station for refueling (I say teams because there are two simultaneous shuttle launches for the mission). At this point the film falls into a pattern of throwing us into one very over-the-top action sequence after another without really creating a strong enough setup for each moment of danger. No sooner have they entered the space station when faulty wiring causes that Russian death trap to catch fire and explode. All hands are saved (including the one Russian Cosmonaut) and they continue with the mission.
From here the two shuttles fly to the asteroid, bobbing and weaving, looping and rolling around stray hunks of space rock like the fighter jets in a certain other Jerry Bruckheimer film you may remember, Top Gun. Needless to say, scientific credibility and dedication to realism were not creeds of the designers of the effects shots for this section of the film. Don't get me wrong, the effects here look great. It's just that these scenes owe more to the asteroid belt sequence in The Empire Strikes Back (still better and more original) then anything in say Apollo 13 or even DI.
The action eventually makes its way to surface of the asteroid where one of the shuttles has landed safely and one has crashed but remains partially intact. They only have a few hours to blow the joint and get out else Earth is doomed. I won't give away much more here, there are some nice surprises you should be allowed to enjoy, but again the action is inorganically integrated with the rest of the plot. Though the inherent danger of the asteroid environment comes from it's instability, using this instability as the major impetus for action makes for poor storytelling. Too much of the tension comes from things that just kind of happen without dramatic cause. It seems that every time our heroes are about to save the day, some big chunk of stone slams into the ground near by making life very difficult for them. Other times the drillers and astronauts stand around bickering for what seems like an eternity while the precious minutes until earth's demise tick away. Ironically, these scenes actually provide better dramatic tension as the action here derives from genuine differences in the point of views of these characters, not a rock that may or may not shake at any given moment.
The acting in the film is generally good with a whole slew of strong supporting actors doing their thing they way we expect them to, very well (Steve Buschemi {sp?}, Will Patton, Ving Rhames, and Billy Bob Thorton as well as a few others who's names I don't know). Bruce is Bruce but he does deliver some strong yet subtle emotion beneath his stoic exterior in some key scenes. Liv Tyler is much better then I expected and Ben Affleck is at times somewhat engaging and at times very dull.
My final gripe against the film is Director Bey's choice of framing. Too much of film is shot with such a tight frame that it's hard to follow the often furious action. For example, when the one shuttle crash lands on the asteroid there are a lot of people trying to duck for cover and some gallantly braving fate and staying in the cockpit of the ship. I couldn't tell who was doing what or what body was flying by the screen at any given moment. This framing problem is exactly the same as I had with the film Spawn and that I've long had with director Luc Besson's work (though I only have very good things to say about "The Fifth Element," love that film).
Despite the criticisms I've voiced here, judging by the audience reaction I seem to be in a minority in my assessment of the film. They went nuts for most of it, though I detected a definite lull at several points. This was especially so during the MIR scene which I think needs to be cut down by about 1 to 2 minutes to make pace better.
Final Word: the effects are groovy, the plot needs work, the characters are good enough for this kind of thing, the humor works very well, the effects/action set pieces are a little silly for me, the melodrama at the end really killed me - I don't react well to that malarkey.
More fun then Deep Impact but I still can't wait for Star Wars I.
Yours from Hollywood,
Plot Luck
