Hey folks, Harry here with Massawyrm's review of a pair of flawed flicks hitting DVD filled with extras and other stuff. I liked (with many reservations) both of these films, and on films that I don't love, but have problems with, I adore commentary tracks... You get a bit of an insight into what the filmmakers were intending, thinking or trying to do. And sometimes this changes or enhances one's feelings about the film in question. Personally I'm anxious to check out either of these... But I'm not allowed to buy myself any DVDs till after January 5th due to my birthday and Christmas... that way family and friends can look at my list and see what it is I have. Now I'll turn you over to the only man Bin Laden hates more than a tomahawk missile... Here's Massawyrm....
Hola all. Everyone's favorite Chain-smoking, Dr. Pepper swilling, indie schilling recluse of late here popping out of my hole to share with you some of the nuggets of entertainment I've found here in my self imposed solitude. It's dark down here. Really dark. But the light of my television keeps me from teetering over the very brink of madness. This week on my tube I bear witness to two large DVD releases for this Tuesday: Pearl Harbor and Ghosts of Mars.
I have to honestly say that I was disappointed with both discs. Neither really lived up to what a DVD to Own should be. Now I enjoyed both films for what they were when I initially saw them. Pearl Harbor was a really entertaining, classic style war epic with one hell of a string of action sequences. I know many of you out there hate it and have your issues with it and don't get me wrong, its certainly not a perfect film. But I definitely enjoyed the hell out of it. Likewise, while I had fun with Ghosts of Mars, it was far from being perfect Carpenter. It was more Vampires than The Thing, but it definitely had it's moments.
So now that I've set up that I enjoyed both films, let me elaborate on why the DVD's let me down. It certainly wasn't because I expected a whole hell of a lot, it's just that I expected something more than I got.
Ghosts of Mars is the one that actually gave me something to chew on. The commentary is fairly entertaining (a one on one between Natasha Henstridge and John Carpenter) but fairly light on the technical play by play. It's mostly just a fun conversation between the two about the time they had making the film. The insight is not too heavy but its worth a listen.
Then there are three mini documentaries on the making of various aspects of the film. This is where the disc really falters. You see, while there is plenty of material there, there's no narration, commentary or explanation of any kind of what you're seeing save a tiny bit of title cards at the beginning. This leads to very dull sequences of watching animations at various stages without the benefit of technical or creative discussions on where the ideas came from and how they came to fruition and a particularly lifeless DV video diary of the making of the film essentially showing you the scenes you've just watched as shot on a simple DV camera mixed with some between the scenes tomfoolery. The one thing I can say about the Video diary is that it is a MUST SEE for indie horror directors thinking of saving cash on film and shooting that masterpiece on DV. Here is a perfect side by side comparison of what horror make up looks like with the depth of film and just how rubbery and fake it looks in the unforgiving medium of DV. Man what a difference. For those of you familiar with my indie column you know I am a big proponent of the widespread acceptance of DV...except when it comes to horror. DV simply doesn't give the right gloss necessary to make a good looking horror film, end of story. Here you see actors under the same lighting, from very similar angles, looking absolutely ridiculous compared to their final version film appearance. These unflattering images make for great cheapo film school, but poor entertainment for John Q. DVD Buyer.
The one shining moment on this disc comes in the form of a 6 minute documentary (also narrationless) on the scoring sessions. This part, of course, is only worthwhile if you're an old school metal head. As those of you regular readers may remember, I am indeed an old school metal head, one whose first concert was an Anthrax concert. Well the score was done by none other than Anthrax, Guitar legend Steve Vai and a mysterious mystery guest known only as Buckethead (he wears a mask and a bucket of KFC original recipe on his head to conceal his identity, I shit you not.) Seeing Scott Ian (who threw me my first used guitar pick) lay down some mean riffs and watching Steve Vai squeal out some serious licks made this old Wyrm's heart beat with joy. But alas no interviews with the band, no discussion on the direction of the music to creating the tone of the film, nothing that would interest anyone but diehard metal fans jonseing to see some masters in the studio.
All in all there's no real replay value to the DVD, and nothing Average Joe is gonna get excited about.
And then there's the Double Disc extravaganza that is Pearl Harbor. Okay, so extravaganza is being used in the loosest, most sarcastic of terms, but it is a double disc. Yes, double disc prices, single disc value. This disc lacks so much it's embarrassing that they call it the 60th Anniversary Commemorative Edition.
You sound buffs will love it. Dolby 5.1. Dolby Headphone track. DTS 5.1. THX. The whole freaking kit and caboodle. But for all you special feature nuts there is very little to be had. There's One making of Documentary that has the look and feel of an HBO first look. Cool enough for a viewing, but probably not two. And a history channel documentary on the Attack that has all the effectiveness of Nyquil. Sure it does the job, but your ass will be out cold in 20 minutes guaranteed. Now I love the history channel, but this documentary is treated with such solemn remorse while covering all the same ground that they explain in the film that you really can get bored quickly. The upside is that there is some great archival footage and photographs that make it worth watching if you're willing to have the movie repeated back to you. And what DVD would be complete without a Faith Hill music video. This one sure wouldn't. Throw in the teaser and the trailer and you've got yourself a double disc DVD set.
Yep. That's it. No, really. That's it. And no, the second disc isn't the movie in Full Screen format. It's the third act and the special features. Yes, Virginia. There is a disc change intermission.
Now I must say that the disc change has it's merits. Disney's had it's problems with DVDs in the past not playing on all players. And rather than risk another "Disney's The Kid" (which failed to work at all on many lower generation DVD players; including mine which was only six months old at the time) I'm assuming they wanted to ensure that one and all would be able to watch the film hassle free. They wanted it so much there's actually a number on the disc to call if you experience issues. Props for that. And I have to say that the change is very well timed. It comes just after the attack when Roosevelt gives his rousing call to action speech. It then picks up in the White House with the beginning of the third act (The Doolittle mission). Perfect Bathroom/Snack break timing while being able to come back without feeling like you've lost the mood of the film. Well done on that front.
And now we come to the big, enormous, why didn't someone think of this earlier problem. This one's a doozy folks. You know those great scenes where the Japanese do this silly little thing called talking to one another? And you know how they added to the realism of the film by actually having them speak Japanese, requiring you to either speak the language or read the subtitles? Well brush up on your language skills my friends, because if you have a TV of average size (19"-21") and you sit an average distance away from the set (about 8' - 10') you ain't reading shit. Oh, the subtitles are there. They're just not legible. You see, the film is a 2.35:1 transfer and the subtitles were the perfect size when projected on 30' theatre screens. But on your home set, unless you're close or sporting a big screen expect to have your whole family scratching their heads wondering what crazy antics those wacky Japanese are up to this time. This may however, improve your enjoyment of the film as you make up the conversation as they go along. If done correctly, this will no doubt lead to one commander begging another for the attack to succeed so he won't have to make an appearance in Mortal Kombat 3.
Now what upset me about the subtitles wasn't that they were just too small, but that no one thought to correct the measure with a feature not unlike Snatch's Pikey subtitles, which only subtitled sections spoken by Brad Pitt and his unintelligible buddies. I checked; it's all or nothing subtitles on this bad boy.
It's my hope that the lagging studios wise up soon and realize just how important interesting features are to the sale of their DVD's. It's no secret that many of us collectors make our buying decisions based just as much on how many features a disc has as we do upon how much we love a film. New Line's new Infinifilm series (which if you haven't checked out any of their titles do so now; Thirteen Days in particular is one hell of a treat), Universal's (and DreamWorks through them) current aggressive strategy of loading their DVD's with every possible extra imaginable and Fox's Occasional really freaking impressive DVD's are simply blowing everything else out of the water. Simple commentary and a First Look won't cut it any more. We want more. We want to watch the movie several times over before we finish seeing everything the DVD has to offer. Studios, please, for the love of all that's holy, stop skimping on content and calling your DVD's special editions when there's nothing at all special about them. We want to buy your product. Give us something worth our green.
The soapbox is now closed.
Until next time friends, smoke 'em if ya got 'em. I know I will.
Mail me a cartoon of the most nicotine filled cancer sticks you can find! Feed my Addiction. Please!
