THE LAST CASTLE review

Hey folks, Harry here…

For over a month now I haven’t been to a theater on Doctor’s Orders. Not even my own screening room.

As a result I have been watching DVDs fairly non-stop… one after another after another… Going out of my skull craving to step into a theater, sit with an Audience and watch a film on the scale it was meant to be seen.

The world has changed a great deal since I last watched film communally. There are armed guards on the curb, I’m using crutches and people spontaneously open doors for me. Cars are decorated with American flags and slogans about standing together and fighting evil scourge… That sort of thing.

TV shows have gotten to calling terrorists cowards and lowly dogs and rabid beasts… The Anthem is played on radio stations all the time and large trucks have become frightening, airplanes terrifying and envelopes from anonymous senders… phobic as all hell… what is that?

Envelophobia?

Not since the Los Angeles OLYMPICS when the torch bearer jogged through Seymour, Texas have I seen patriotism at such an astounding high, and with this I venture forth into a Rod Lurie film about a prison full of soldiers that fight to regain their dignity and basic human rights, symbolized by capturing the flag.

Odd environment to see the film in. Very odd. To be the first film back in theaters for me… the first press screening in ages… Very odd.

First, I have to say… walking into that theater, albeit with crutches (which I loathe) to stabilize my weakened (but getting better) legs felt fantastic. I’m sitting on the ground floor, NO STAIRS FOR ME YET. And there was a momentary fear about whether or not I could get out of that chair without some sort of pulley system, but those fears proved unfounded THANK GOD.

Getting in that seat, watching all the local folks that always go to the advance screenings felt fantastic. Listening to the goofy disc jockey telling me I was disqualified from answering his damn trivia felt great… I whispered the answer to the person next to me, who won. Bastard tells me I can’t win the LAST CASTLE CHESS SET, dammit… I didn’t study film all these years to not win that! Of course the person I helped… some idiot cigarette smoking Jesus freak named Massawyrm… Did he give me MY PRIZE? No! Did he ask me if I wanted the prize that I WON? No! He kept his prize which he won through no fault of his own. Oh no. No, he kept that prize… that badge of dishonor which sits, no doubt, upon a pedestal of some note. Yes, like Lee Marvin in THE WILD ONE with his pilfered racing trophy, Massawyrm displays his ill gotten goods. The bastard! I fart in his general direction!!!!

Ahem.

First, before the movie the trailer for A BEAUTIFUL MIND hits the screen… There for my viewing pleasure in all the giant glory of the silver screen is Jennifer Connelly. She is without a doubt, for me, the most beautiful woman in the history of the silver screen. Absolutely timeless beauty. I think the movie is about math, but just look at her. She’s just radiant up there. Russell Crowe and Ed Harris just take up screentime that she could be reading quietly to herself sipping a drink in soft light… a warm glow… Ahhhh…

I NEED TO GET OUT MORE OFTEN

Ahem…

Then the movie starts.

Rod Lurie’s film THE LAST CASTLE is basically your by the numbers Evil Warden must be overthrown Prison flick. Sure it is a military prison. Sure there is the "Castle" metaphor. Sure there is a helicopter involved, but it is still the Evil Corrupt Warden and the righteously put-upon criminals that must protect their human rights by killing and setting it all ablaze.

Now I know, this sounds like I’m about to take a steaming dump on the flick, but far from it. You see, I also feel that SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION is a by the numbers cliché prison escape film… BUT having said that, it happens to be the best of genre, only because I classify WHITE HEAT as an undercover flick, of which the escape from prison is just a damn fine part.

THE LAST CASTLE is entertaining, smartly shot popcorn flick with nothing more really on its mind. Personally, I’d compare this film very much along the same lines of likability to SNEAKERS with Robert Redford.

First: In both films Robert Redford plays the seasoned all-pro. In that, he was the caper guy, in this he’s a multi-star legendary general. Second: You have an exceptionally deliciously evil and petty jealous opponent that has the absolute leg up on the win category. Gandhi in SNEAKERS and Tony Soprano in THE LAST CASTLE.

Third: Robert Redford is backed up by a lovable bunch of talented losers, whom he can exploit to kick Evil’s ass.

Fourth: Both films are about a complicated planned to perfection ingenious act that if played out to impossible perfection… it will give Redford the check in the win category.

And finally Fifth: They both come down to the Evil Guy and Redford… the way it has always been. Good must confront Evil. And Evil always has the gun that Good will not wield.

Oh, and they are both fun as hell.

Now why this works…

Robert Redford is simply as perfect a movie star as there has ever been. He just oozes affable charm. His smile so kicks Tom Cruise’s sneer’s ass it isn’t even funny. His charisma is supreme here… I absolutely believed that the entire prison of military criminals would chew their way through concrete for this guy… And watching him go through his ‘punishment/challenge’ was a wonderful ‘wheel of pain’ sequence.

James Gandolfini is quickly becoming a challenger in the Sydney Greenstreet Award for my favorite fat actor of all time. Problem is… will he ever find a film as wonderful as CASABLANCA or MALTESE FALCON? Yesterday, I rewatched him in the Coen Brothers’ wonderful THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE and he gurgles with the best of them. He really reminds me of William Bendix… He has that sort of presence on screen, a dangerous lovable type. Here, when he over hears Redford discussing his collection… PERFECTION! Absolutely the best acting moment in the entire film. Hands down.

The Stuttering fellow. Don’t know which actor he was, but I’m a sucker for a good stutter actor… He really needs to play this part as some animated character sometime for PIXAR… Same exact routine. Very nice.

HOWEVER, the star of the film is THE PLAN. THE PLAN is always the star of these types of movies and when you see the MacGuyver action in action…. Well hang up your boots and start clapping, because it is a blast. I love the catapult.

As I hobbled up to my feet, steadied my legs and began the overlong process of leaving the theater, all I could do is stare at MY PRIZE that the criminal wannabe Massawyrm clutched in his greedy hands. He’ll be lucky not to get nailed sometime soon.

The film is a good movie, a fun piece of entertainment, but not great.