Ok folks, here's Joe Hallenbeck's review of VERY BAD THINGS. So far the reviews have been favorable for the film, but Joe here thinks the film is a hair away from being brilliant. As usual prepare yourself for brutal egotistical honesty as only the real mighty Joe can deliver...
My fellow geeks and geekettes...do you believe in miracles? I know I now do for I, The Mighty Joe Hallenbeck, have witnessed one rather recently. This so-called miracle I took witness to has to do with a movie I saw. The movie was produced by Interscope...you know, the company that brought us 3 Men and a Little Lady, Jumanji and Kazaam! It seems that those bozos over there at the 'Scope have finally done a film right. That film, kiddies is none other than Peter Berg's wickedly funny Very Bad Things. Going into this little ditty I had no expectations whatsoever. I thought it would be funny in parts...that's about it. What I didn't expect was to see this years best film(so far, anyways)! This is a brutally funny, in-your-face, violent exercise of sheer "Coolism!"
Kick back, relax, and partake in a review written by the one and only, Mighty Joe...
The Plot - 5 guys go to Vegas for a Bachelor Party. Stripper gets killed. What follows is the psychological(and often times, psychopathic) implications of this matter. Apparently, there was a movie with Mario Van Peebles and a few other dudes that aired on cable rather recently that has similiar plot lines to this movie. I highly doubt that wretched little movie was as well written, directed, or acted as this little gem.
Writing/Directing - This movie was written and directed by first timer, Peter Berg. The name may ring a bell because this dude is also a talented actor. He has appeared in many films and TV Shows. Most prominently, as Dr. Billy Conk(I believe that's his name) on David E. Kelly's Chicago Hope. I never would have thught that this tough guy had such a knack with the typewriter and the camera. He managed to take a somewhat cliched story(we've seen weekends-from-hell movies many a'times) and turn into a fresh and exciting experience. This nifty little black comedic thriller will definitely fined a niche in the BO when released. It has a coolness factor of a Reservoir Dogs or Red Rock West. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if this puppy is one of the sleeper hits of the year. He has crafted a beautifully sick movie that never ceases to surprise the viewer. Each and every character is defined to perfection. It's amazing to see a movie nowadays and remember each chararcter's name and their qualities(or lackthereof). Kudos to the 'Scope for letting a first timer like Berg take complete control over his vision!
The Acting - These 5 hombres worked perfectly together.
Jon Favarue(probably misspelled) - The Groom. Here's an actor who has never done anything for me. He was all right as Courtney Cox's rich boyfriend on Friends and was somewhat cool as that swiggin' dude in Swingers(I refuse to acknowledge his role in Deep Impact...GOD, I HOPE ARMAGEDDON KICKS MAJOR BOO-TAY!). I actually felt for the guy in this flick. I put myself in his size 11's and thought about what I would do in his situation(an answer will come later in the review). He played this role with calm, cool finesse. The only logical one of the bunch.
Christian Slater - The Sleazey Best Man, Boyd. Truly a man after my own black heart. The idea man who digs the guys deeper and deeper into a pile of shit. A true slime ball in every sense of the word. I was amazed by his performance. I actually liked lil' Jack in a movie. Most of the time I want to slap the shit out of him and scream, "BE YOURSELF!!!" However, I dug the little punk in this role. He plays a great quasi-bad guy/best friend sleazoid.
Daniel Stern - Adam, the married one. Take his breakdown scene in City Slickers and multiply it by a 1000. After you do that, you'll get a sense as to what this dude is like in the movie. Over the top, yet brilliantly subtle at times. Roles like this define an actor. Roles like Bushwacked kills a career. He's forgiven...for now.
Jeremy Piven - Michael, the dumb ass murdering brother. I love this guy. I think Jeremy is an incredibly funny actor who has proven himself time and time again that he can carry a film(maybe with a little help). I really want to see him and his buddy John Cusack in another movie together...say one where Jeremy plays a lawyer and John is his best friend/client? Just a thought. Anyways, Jeremy plays a pathetic schmuck who digs himself deeper and deeper into shit. A true loser.
The Other Guy - The silent best friend of the Groom. I can't recall the dude's real name but I've seen him in numerous roles. Most recently in Alien Resurrection as the impregnated suvivor who gets shot up at the end of that POS! I know guys like this, so I can understand why Jon has been best buds with this dude since the 3rd grade. He's the kind of friend that would lay down in the middle of the street and wait to get hit by a car if you asked him too. A true friend in every sense of the word.
Cameron Diaz - The Wife. Beautiful, Bitchy, and Annoying as hell. She keeps on proving to me that she is one of the best actresses out there. The new Michelle Pfieffer, if you will. She diversifies herself. Sometimes that's for the best(as in this flick), or the worst(Life Less Ordinary). Any way you look at it, people will talk about her sweet(yeah right) performance in this movie.
The Ending - As sick and twisted as anything you've ever seen. Truly surprising and gut-wrenchingly funny(and disgusting). My only qualm with this flick is the last 2 minutes. The following is for people who have seen the film and the filmmakers themselves. I'm about to help you make this already great film PERFECT!
Ok folks, what lies below isn't for the eyes of those that haven't seen the movie, it's Joe's bit about the end of the film, and it will SPOIL the entire movie for you if you read it. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM
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Ok here it is...
The way the movie should end - The wedding stuff is awesome. The stuff with Cameron yelling at her bridesmaids is hysterical. I love the fact she takes control over the situation. Having her tell Jon to kill his buddy and the 3-legged dog is awesome. However, after she orders him to do so you should have Jon give her a look. Cut to him and his buddy(with the Tripod Dog) driving out into the desert to dispose of Boyd. We still assume he's going to do away with his buddy and the dog. They bury Boyd. Jon hestates for a moment, then decides not to kill his friend. He and his buddy drag another body out of the car. We don't see who it is. All we see is an arm dangling. Close up of the hand(a woman's). On it is a wedding band. They dump the body into the grave, cover it up and leave. The last shot is of the 2 buds and the tripod driving East, down the lone desert rode with the sun rising right in front of them. The whole movie is about friendship. All this shit has happened because of the damn wedding. A guy can always get another wife, but best buds are hard to come by...especially one you've known since the 3rd grade. This ending makes more sense and makes the film even more wickedly funny...not to mention an extra little shock at the end. Trust me on this guys, this is a better ending. The great thing is, you basically have it already shot. You just need to make a few edits and do a couple of pick up shots and you have it.
Overall - Brutal, brilliant, brash, and beautifully crafted comedic thriller. A must see for anyone who has a sick mind like yours truly!
T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
hallenbeck69@hotmail.com
