Hey folks, Harry here... I couldn't of picked a better time to have a back injury which leaves me with an excuse not to see a ton of these dregs. Though I miss going to see films constantly, there is the aspect of not placing my eyeball before the searing needle of September! Here ya go...
Hardball review
I am Project Rage
And for the winner of the WB-disease award for outrageous summer shit movies put out by a single studio goes to... PARAMOUNT!! With such hits as Rat Race, Tomb Raider, and the Score, Paramount hits a homerun of wretched entertainment with HARDBALL.
RANT:
Starring Keanu Reeves who plays a gambling freak, who owes $12,000 to bookies, and begs an investor company for help. Help is received by given a position as a baseball coach for an all black-kids team in the projects. A drugged out studio exec pitched it as this, "It‚s a mixture of Mighty Ducks with the harsh dialogue of the Bad news Bears, It will have no budget except for Keanu who will sign on. Look he signed on for The Watcher." GOOD! SOLD! GREENLIT!!
RAVE:
This movie is somewhat stomachable at points with the great kids in this film as the team. But the problem is that such little time is spent on them. These kids turn life arround for the sorry nut. He falls in love with their teacher (Diane Lane), stops gambling ˆsort-of, He gambles money on a game for money he owes on other gambling venture. So he sort of gets out of problems with luck and not hardwork. Actually he's a pretty worthless character, he never coaches really, no words or tips to players. He just coaches with pizza parties, and getting them team shirts. With all this the worthless coach, who is never seen throwing a ball, he quits three times and somehow they win the championship. Maybe when they took the film from a rating of R to PG13, they dropped out the character development and plot.
RAGE:
This movie was based on a book. I almost choked on my Pepsi when I saw that. But the worst thing is that this movie was screenwritin by the writer of the Shit-sandwich known as Freddie Prinze Jr.'s Summer Catch AKA "I sold my sole to satan to have a film career". Another movie about baseball, but devoid of any real baseball. Both movies starring tall dim witted white-guys. I wonder if Freddie and Keanu ever talked about their baseball opuses. If it did it probably went like this.
Freddie - Huh?
Keanu - Whoh.
Freddie - Huh?
Keanu - Whoh.
Freddie - Huh?
Keanu - Whoh!!
Freddie ˆ I made a pact with the devil.
Keanu- I'm making MATRIX 2 & 3.
Freddie- I'm making Scooby Doo, my agent Satan got me the part.
(awkward Silence)
Keanu- I have some talent
Freddie - Huh?
Keanu - Whoh..
Of course if this review was written by John Gatins he would have a small kid die at the end, So you would have some sentimentality to the review. In the movie the smallest black kid on the team G-Baby gets shot by some warring gangbangers while coming home after he hits the winning ball of the big game. At the end it was as if the sentimentality was as deep as a dagobagh swamp as Keanu tells a drugged out flashback of the game at the funeral. Plus if this movie wasn't bad enough they have a pitcher with headphones, Who has to pitch while listening to a song by the Notorious B.I.G. Of course the team sings it to him when there at the last game. Of course I would've preferred Shake your Ass by Mystikal.
The lowdown is avoid this movie like the plague. If you see D.B. Sweeney give him a good agent, he shouldn‚t of been in this movie. Also if you see the screenwriter JOHN GATINS give him some quality time with a Louisville slugger.
I am Project Rage
